TED'S TURKEY JERKY AWARDS

While the Awful Truth is off for the holidays this week, we certainly don't want to leave you in the lurch, like Madonna did with Guy when she hit Star Island (where pal Rosie O. has a pad) this week. Of course, we told you that ages ago—that the gal who used to call herself Missus Ritchie so proudly, is now—so proudly—going around as the new A-Rod bitch. But it's so the other way round, trust. A-Rod just doesn't know it. Yet.

Back to our awards. As it's the bird-basting season, decided we must reveal who has (and hasn't) been the biggest greased turkey so far this year. Just in time for all that end-of-the year trophy nonsense. Call it getting-in-the mood mayhem!

And, unlike our own year-end awards, the following dubious recipients are in no particular order, let's just consider it a free-for-all open season, OK? Without further ado, here come the turkeys who've been really big jerkys!